Naked in the Public Square
My brain got limbic!
My whole body felt trapped in a cauldron of shame!
I felt exposed and attacked!
Fear shook me to the bones!
As if I was exposed naked in the public square....
What do you think happened?
Well, my precious MacBook Air Pink stopped charging itself and died. Suddenly. No warnings. No heads-ups.
I had to leave it to the local Apple-approved service.
Three hours later, they contacted me to ask for my password because they had to reinstall the operating system.
And then... SHAME hit!
First, because the password was the financial goal of my business. A goal set a few years ago and not yet met.
And second, because someone would have full access to my computer and could potentially harm me.
Without knowing how to regulate my nervous system, shame and fear would paralyze me. This is what they do.
Shame says: YOU ARE BAD AT YOUR CORE!
Fear says: Go hide! Danger!
What did I do?
I named the emotion: shame, fear.
I dissociated from being "in the emotions." This method physically takes synapses from the amygdala and redirects some of them to the prefrontal cortex. It's easy! You just say the words: "I am feeling shame and fear. My brain tells me that this is shameful and I should freak out." - here already, the claw in my chest started to loosen up.
I breathed into that tightness and exhaled twice as long, imagining the flow of air going through my heart ("heart breathing").
I started to smile because I was able to rationalize my next step.
I realized that a TOTALLY random number (my password) wouldn't make any sense to anyone else. And that it was a good reminder to start asking for help in making my work known to the world. We can't make it without the love and support of "our" people.
I trusted one of my main core values, which is unconditional love and trust in humans. The vast majority of humans are nice, caring, loving, and helping people who are here to support each other. I refuse to allow the way I grew up in a dictatorial regime to filter my life and my actions.
I wouldn't cancel my coaching calls to drive back to the Apple Support Center and be present there while they would run their things just because of misplaced fear and shame.
I gave them the password. They fixed my precious MacBook Air Pink
That took max 90 seconds!
Now back at you!
What would make you feel as if you were naked in the public square?
If people knew THAT about you, you would feel ashamed. Is it your weight?
Do you know that no matter how much you weigh, or how your body looks like, there are CURRENTLY different societies that would worship you as a goddess? Or like a god?
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